LEVERAGING AUTHENTIC ENGAGEMENT PARADIGMS THROUGH STRATEGIC SHITPOSTING

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"A Professional Guide to Being Unprofessional"

1/15

OPENING THESIS

- corporate linkedin is a dystopian hellscape

- but we still gotta eat somehow

- solution: weaponized authenticity

- dumb idea? fun over function

2/15

WHY LINKEDIN POSTS MAKE YOU WANT TO DIE

- "thrilled to announce" (nobody is thrilled)

- "humbled to share" (literally nobody is humble)

- "excited to join the team at [COMPANY]" (blink twice if hostage)

- motivational quotes over sunset backgrounds

3/15

THE SCIENCE OF STRATEGIC SHITPOSTING

- authentic voice => doomscroll interrupt

- people are tired of corporate bullshit

- real recognizes real

- bonus: automatically filters out companies you'd hate working for

4/15

CASE STUDY

THIS

"Excited to leverage my extensive experience to drive innovative solutions..."

OR THIS

"just spent 3 years teaching computers to think and they're still dumber than a bag of rocks but at least they're FAST ROCKS"

5/15

KEY PRINCIPLES OF PROFESSIONAL SHITPOSTING

- be technically correct (the best kind of correct)

- maintain plausible deniability

- speak fluent corporate when needed

- know how to throw hands with the algorithm

- remember: chaos is a spectrum and we're all on it

6/15

ADVANCED TECHNIQUES: CORPORATE JIU JITSU

- a buzzword loses its power when you laugh at it

- OKRs and KPIs are just ways of saying "do a thing"

- the JIRA board contains general suggestions not divine commandments

- ????

- profit

7/15

RISK MANAGEMENT: HOW NOT TO GET FIRED

- keep it professional-adjacent

- maintain technical credibility

- no actual crimes

- if HR calls: "engaging in strategic market differentiation through innovative communication paradigms"

8/15

METRICS THAT MATTER

- connection requests from corporate zombies: 📉

- recruiter confusion: 📈

- likelihood of becoming a linkedin influencer: 📉(this is actually good)

- engagement from people you would actually want to work with: 📈

9/15

IMPLEMENTATION STRATEGY

- TURN ON: start small

- TUNE IN 1: build your immunity to cringe

- TUNE IN 2: monitor for corporate antibodies and adapt

- DROP OUT: gradually increase chaos levels until shitpost nirvana

10/15

EXPECTED OUTCOMES

- actual human connections

- better job offers (they know what they're getting into)

- freedom from corporate cringe

- possible concerned DMs from old managers

- possible cult following (case study: Nikhil Suresh)

11/15

THE ROI OF NOT GIVING A FUCK

- energy saved from not maintaining corporate facade: ∞

- authenticity achieved: 💯

- linkedin engagement: either 0 or 1000, no in-between

- mental health: significantly improved

- corporate bullshit tolerance: significantly decreased

12/15

IN CONCLUSION

- be authentic (but tactically)

- embrace the chaos (but strategically)

- keep it professional (but barely)

- we all stuck in this linkedin hellscape (but together)

- might as well make it entertaining lmao

13/15

Q&A

"weaponized authenticity is still performative".

i know. whether change comes from this approach is perhaps less relevant than what it reveals about our desperate need to transcend the current paradigm while remaining bound by its gravitational pull.

maybe the real corporate disruption was all the friends we made along the way.

14/15

APPENDIX: EMERGENCY RESPONSES FOR HR

- "it's a social experiment"

- "i'm disrupting traditional engagement paradigms"

- "this is actually an ai art project"

- "sorry wrong platform, i thought this was myspace"

- "mercury is in retrograde and it's a full moon"

15/15